I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
