separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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