I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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