he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
