dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
