I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
