It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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