marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
