remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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