That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
