I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
