Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
