Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
