I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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