Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
