Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
