It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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