i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
