thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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