I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
