Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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