**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
