Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
