the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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