I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
