Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
