I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
