I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
