After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
