It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
