I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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