just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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