I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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