mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
