babies were throwing up all over the place
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
