I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Randomize
