im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
