Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
