whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
