god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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