so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
