and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
