I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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