David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
