Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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