i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
