walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
