my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
