My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
