Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Say something about gay babies.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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