Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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