rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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