i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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