Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
