He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
