as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
